photo by Mercedes Soto

Two weeks ago, I was walking in my neighborhood in Cambridge, listening to a podcast on headphones. It was April Fool’s Day, and there was an early morning snow flurry. (There is more snow here in greater Boston than there was when I lived in New Haven.)

I stopped short when I saw this colorful child’s drawing zip-tied to a tree; the Earth wearing a face mask, and the message:

We are in this fight together so we must remember to be kind to each other.

It brought me to tears. I was overcome by a wave of grief for all of the people and the ways of life we’ve lost, and the people and ways of life we are losing.

As we enter week five of this strange new reality, many of us are adjusting and establishing new (hopefully healthy) routines. We are staying home when we can, only venturing outside for the essentials. We try to stand at least 6 feet away from the next person in the aisle. There is tape on the floor in the checkout lines to help us mark the “safer” distances between us.

So many people are afraid and anxious. I can see it in their body language and how they avoid eye contact. We are feeling a lot of sadness, grief and pain, but for the time being, we cannot reach out to shake hands and offer hugs. I try to smile and send love and compassion to them from a safe distance.

I am so grateful for the brave people who are delivering food, medicine, and supplies, stocking the shelves, checking us out, cleaning the door handles and surfaces.

I am grateful for the essential workers who are providing food for children while schools are closed, continuing sanitation services, taking care of people in emergency rooms and hospitals, and in homeless shelters.

I am grateful for the teachers who are sending daily writing prompts and emails to parents and students, scheduling one-on-one FaceTime or regular phone calls, and classroom video conferences. I am grateful for the messages from after-school programs, sending encouragement, resources and activities for children and youth to do at home.

And I am grieving.

Every day, I am trying to: practice gratitude, exercise, drink enough water, eat greens (not just chocolate). I am reaching out to friends and family and trying to be fully present for them when they reach out to me. I am trying cultivate joy and to focus on the positive things, and to laugh and dance. I am trying to keep focused on work, posting resources and inspiration on social media, and attending virtual meetings. I am homeschooling my son.

And I am grieving.

A stellar coach I work with, Melinda Barbosa, reminded me that “If we don’t name our grief, and feel our grief, we cannot heal our grief.”

I want to heal my grief and I want to support us all in healing our collective grief, so that we can continue to be here for the children who are growing up in this new reality, the children who remind us that we are in this fight together. The children who remind us to be kind to each other.

On this theme, I recommend two particular resources. One, an article by Scott Berinato in the Harvard Business Review, “That Discomfort You are Feeling is Grief.” Second, in Brene Brown’s Unlocking Us podcast, the episode “On Grief and Finding Meaning.”.

I am grieving. And I am coping. Healing. Helping others. Finding joy in between.

Adapted from post in Agenda For Children – Out of School Time” Teaching & Learning Blog

To reach Mercedes directly: soto.mercedesm@gmail.com

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