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One of the exercises in CLP is about identifying and clarifying our own personal values. We each identify our top 5 values, writing one each on 5 index cards. Then we have to drop one… and another… until we are forced to choose our number 1, top value. What is your current One right now and why?
Such an interesting question and certainly engages with the very thing that I am holding close to me. It also happens to be a thing I struggle most with as well. The value I will call “not knowing” and right now is better understood and expressed in my life as trying to undo “having it all figured out.” I grew up with “having it all figured out” as something that helped me to navigate stressful and confusing times as a child. Having two brilliant parents that were organizers, activists, leaders and learners, fostered the value of understanding my environment in order to help build liberation movements and communities. I learned to understand systems in general and systems of oppression specifically, in order to more effectively organize and connect people together to create something new. The down side was that it planted a seed that my personal well-being is dependent on that knowing. Especially difficult when Life is not about knowing it all and figuring it all out, but being able to live it.
Currently I experience this need to have it figured out as stifling and limiting. It can feel like a box squeezing and limiting me. My habit of processing information, distilling it and expressing/activating it with laser beam precision is exhausting and not actually helpful at this stage in my life.
So, aptly, I do not really know what the “not knowing” will bring or how it will manifest. Sometimes I don’t even know what to do to let go. But I do know that replacing this laser intensity and single-pointedness with a river that meanders and flows is what helps, moment-to-moment, day-to-day. A practice that I keep having to find and do in a new way. One that lets me be moved, that lets me deepen my trust of myself and my relationship with this Life is this new direction, new practice, new way.
What is one big, burning leadership question you are wrestling with these days?
How can I be a support for as many people as possible that are living within a system of oppression that is dehumanizing for everybody. Certainly the impact is different on different people. Certainly some are killed and some are not. Some are rewarded and some are not. However, it is fundamentally dehumanizing for everyone. So holding this, while sometimes being triggered by those in positions of social power over me, holding this while some are triggered by me, and through it all, holding all of our personhood as relevant.
It’s easy in the extremes to hold someone at bay, set clear limits on how much I will care about their liberation, saying that they are bad and I will not move to help them. AND can I keep my eyes open to all the suffering and injustices while having an open heart and to keep caring? In this precious thing called Aliveness, can I heal enough, be woke enough, be safe enough, trust enough, risk enough, be free enough, let go enough, “not know” enough, to continue to broaden my circles of care and compassion with skill in order to move myself and others closer to being free. Since we are all in this same soup that dehumanizes us all and causes such suffering. Can I humanize even those I identify as the other?
What inspires you, gives you hope these days?
My connection to other people to help get me out of my ruts. My connection to Nature to help me to see and feel systems that are nurturing and nourishing. My connection to my ancestors for support, perspective and love. My connection to the Orisa for being divine and a part of life that is so much larger than me yet are forces that can also help me to stay connected to purpose and meaning, healing and mystery. To the babies and elderly to remind me that life is precious, wondrous, and something so different than what I think it is. That it is a journey. That change is a fundamental norm and we also get to create peace and joy and to dance with that change to the best of our ability.
This work of transformational change is hard. Stepping in, stepping up, over time, can be draining – physically, intellectually, emotionally, psychically, spiritually. How do you recharge, restore, take care of yourself, rekindle your fire?
In my best moments I remember that I also need this restoration and renewal. It sometimes takes a bit to remind me of this though. When I do, I go sit by the river and cry out all the pain I have been holding. I go the woods and listen, watch, walk, play and wonder. I pray alone and with others. I keep making choices that include the big questions of life. I dance and act silly. I sit and read a book for fun. I hold precious the notion that my life has purpose and meaning sometimes separately from what I can do for others. That my self-worth is not contingent on doing just because I am able to, but also on being as fully here as I can be.
Introduce us to someone you are/were close with personally (e.g., family, teacher, friend, mentor), who shaped (or shapes) you and how you view leadership and possibility for a better community/world?
My mentor and teacher in Ifa, Wande Abimbola. He is someone that has deepened my relationship with African thought, culture, spiritual practices and learning. He is a traditional leader, linguist, academician, and former member of the Nigerian Senate. He has met with the Pope and worked to create institutions that foster Yoruba indigenous thinking, wisdom and practice. His title among traditionalists is as the spokesperson for Ifa to the world. I have known him and his family for 25 years and continue to be close with him and them. He continues to be a mentor, and exemplar in navigating difficult social, political, spiritual relationships and situations while remaining joyful and open to sharing his wisdom and care.
I have seen how he is revered by so many in his formal roles and his diplomacy in navigating these relationships. I have also seen how he is a person that is doing his best and cares about so many people and sometimes just needs to take a walk on the beach to be with the ocean and the wind.
What do you recommend to us, in each of these categories:
- Reading – N.K. Jemisin The Broken Earth series, Nnedi Okorafor Who Fears Death
- Listening – Right now Nina Simone Baltimore, the Dave Brubeck Quartet “Unsquare Dance”
- Eating – Hamantashen
- Laughing – Myself and children being silly together
- Wildcard – Go outside, into nature, alone, and listen
Learn more about Healing and Liberation Counseling
To get in touch with Enroue directly: enroue@healingandliberation.com
This was so beautiful, thought provoking, and real. Thank you for sharing your truth, Enroue. May you relax into “Not Knowing” fully aware that you are honoring the ever changing flow of life.