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One of the exercises in CLP is about identifying and clarifying our personal values. We each identify our top five values, writing one each on five index cards. Then we have to drop one, and another… until we are left holding the card with our number one, top value. What is your current One right now and why?
I would say my top value I’m working to live by currently is authenticity.
I actively make choices about what I want to participate in, because it aligns with my other values as a person. I was raised a people pleaser (and I still have to fight that monster today), and over the past few years I’ve come to realize if I want to live authentically, I have to remind myself of my power to choose.
Another part of my journey to live authentically is to get comfortable with taking up space. Sometimes, it’s easier to choose to be smaller, dimmer, etc. But, I’ve come to realize that I’m just the kind of person that commands a level of attention even if I’m trying to hide and blend into a corner. This requires more active choices with regard to how I want to show up in every space I enter. If I naturally take up space, then it’s best to do so positively with a curious attitude.
How are authenticity and what might be labeled as “agency” connected for you?
I like this question a lot. Let’s go back to my upbringing in becoming a people pleaser. I never got to choose what I wanted, and that affected my agency because my choices were limited to how they would make people in authority over me feel. And this bled into how I engaged with colleagues, even people I was friendly with at those stages of my life.
I’d always wanted to make choices that were in alignment with who I am as a person. Interestingly, I had to figure out who I am as a person to be able to make the choices that align with who I am. Does that make sense?
Absolutely. Has moving into storytelling helped you navigate or feel more comfortable taking up space?
Becoming a storyteller did two things for me. First, it opened the floodgates holding back years of experiences I never got to unpack in alignment with who I am. The first story I ever told live was about the night my father died. In that moment, I was released from the anguish of carrying his death in alignment with how others were feeling; it was the first time I told a piece of that story in a way that uplifted all of my valid feelings and thoughts at that time.
This segues into the second thing becoming a storyteller did for me. It validated the gift I knew I was born with.
I didn’t ever think oral storytelling would be the vehicle for my ability. When I started, I had to get used to opening my life up to the critique of others. I had to learn that whatever story I chose to tell had to be for me first. When that happened, I realized I was starting to take up space. And that’s been a hard adjustment. It feels ironic for a person so fascinated with connection; through storytelling, I command attention and let people know I want to connect with them through the experiences I’ve lived. Yo, what a breakthrough!
It’s great to hear, thank you for sharing. I wonder, what is one big, burning leadership question you are wrestling with these days?
I wrestle with the question: How do I get out of my own way? I find myself at times stuck in analysis-paralysis.
No matter what I read or listen to when there is something very important to me that I want to shine a light on, I will get stuck in how to bring this important thing into fruition, and why I even should. I am easily, internally convinced that no one else will care. It’s true, there are certainly some who won’t care like I do, but just as certainly, others will or already do.
I often wonder how many other people get stuck in this way.
Does it connect for you to the value and theme of authenticity and taking up space?
Yes. When I want to shine a light on something that is important to me, I want to do it because my spirit will be restless unless something can be done. I might choose to tell a story that I hope plants the seed of action in someone else. The taking up space part happens because of what message I’m delivering, and also because of how I’m delivering my message.
What inspires you, gives you hope these days?
I’m inspired by connection; honestly, it does give me hope. It gives me hope that we who are driven by connection are coming together, connecting with others and building bridges of understanding.
Do you mean interpersonal connection, or cultural, political, or something else, and do you see a shift in the coming together since the COVID lockdown period?
It’s definitely about interpersonal connection for me. I think the interpersonal gives us the compassion and empathy to connect to culture. As far as politics, well that’s extending or consolidating the culture, right?
Since the COVID lockdown, I do see a shift. I see less compassion, less empathy. I think this is because we were all surrounded — for better or worse — by people who were reflections of us at that time: scared, rudderless, lonely, angry.
I think because we weren’t mixing and mingling, we lost the ability to listen to someone else. I also think that because of the 45th President’s hostility to anyone and everyone who doesn’t agree with him, so many others doubled down and became more hostile too. I don’t tell stories to hostile folk; in fact I know better than to try. I know where they stand. Connection drives a lot of what I do as a storyteller. I’m a born communicator.
Do you have a sense of when you first knew that?
I started telling stories in 2015, and as I said before, the first story I ever told live was about my father dying. I was surprised with how I was able to connect with others, and then I was hooked. I also started to realize then that I’ve always been driven by connection. I remember imitating peers in school not to be like them, but to understand them. I thought this was better than asking them why they do what they do. I’d seen that some people I was around weren’t as aware of their why. Jeez, I really sound like I was a weird child. [laughing]
[laughing] It sounds like a future performing artist to me! As you alluded to before, this work of transformational change can be hard. Stepping in, stepping up, over time, can be draining – physically, intellectually, emotionally, psychically, spiritually. How do you recharge, restore, take care of yourself, rekindle your fire?
I’m honestly still learning how to do this!
I tend to be the kind of candle that burns at both ends. That being said, my ideal restorative care includes being by water. I’ve always loved the sound of water running, trickling, waves lapping the sand, or crashing into rocks.
I also love music, and my restorative care also includes performances. This year, I’ve been very lucky in this way; I’ve seen Beyonce, Janelle Monáe and UK rapper Little Simz. The feeling of being with other fans letting loose and dancing is truly a gift from the divine.
Introduce us to someone you are/were close with personally (e.g., family, teacher, friend, mentor), who shaped (or shapes) you and how you view leadership and possibility for a better community/world?
My late father, Luis and my mother, Noelia are the people who’ve shaped me. My dad led with his heart; my mom, with her head.
Thanks to my parents, I see a world that at times is a complete dumpster fire; but if you look deeper, it’s also a world where people are working to make change. People are working to connect. People are imagining, creating, sharing, and renaming purpose.
My dad would always say, “to be aware is to be alive.” I used to think this was just his way of reminding me to do the right thing out of my parents’ presence. But now, I realize these words present a profound challenge: Open your eyes and live in today. Notice that I say live in today, and not for today. Living in today means choosing where you will place your power to exercise being a better you. For you. It has to start with you.
My mom tells me all the time to challenge the way I allow how people are — and how people can be — to affect me. There’s too much happening in the world to give bandwidth to attitudes not worth thinking about. It’s my job to be responsible for the way I think and act. Yes, there are times when I must react, or even take a beat to offer a dignified response. But I can and should choose when, and not to let those times be left up to chance.
What do you recommend to us, in each of these categories:
- Reading – Untamed, By Glennon Doyle. I love the nuggets of wisdom offered about authenticity, worthiness of being loved deeply, and giving that love into the world.
- Listening – Volcano, by Jungle. This group from the UK has put out into the world what I call their magnum opus. It’s everything. I also like discovering artists through my Apple Music subscription, and listening to the top 100 songs I’ve streamed this year. Yeah, Jungle is on that list. So is Beyonce, and Janelle Monáe. Little Simz is in a class of her own. Listening to Little Simz is reserved for long rides where I can listen and chew on her lyrics and metaphors.
- Eating – My husband is a great cook, and I love when he makes shrimp scampi with spaghetti squash. But seeing as we’re in turkey season, it’s also about my mother’s ground pork and shrimp stuffing.
- Watching – We recently finished The Changeling with LaKeith Stanfield and Clark Backo. What a ride! I’m patiently awaiting season two. My husband and I have been watching through The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror specials. Some of the comedy hasn’t aged well, but I do really like their take on popular movies and shows.
- Laughing – The guest hosting on The Daily Show has been a welcome breath of fresh air in a news cycle full of soundbites.
- Wildcard – your choice – Nintendo Animal Crossing: New Horizons. I actually have to get back to my island to decorate for the holidays. ACNH is a cozy game you can spend hours on; there’s always something going on.
Get in touch with Jezrie directly: courtneyjmwriter@gmail.com