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One of the exercises in CLP is about identifying and clarifying our personal values. We each identify our top five values, writing one each on five index cards. Then we drop one, and another… until we are left holding the card with our number one, top value. What is your current One right now and why?
Growth.
Sure, growth is also process, but in each interaction I’ve been examining, “How will I grow from this and how will I help someone or something else grow?”
It’s a response, in part, to the past couple years: trying to find meaning in all of it and also working to build solutions and balance intent and impact. When the pandemic happened, it brought me this liminal moment straddling survival, growth, and rest. I needed to define why, where, when, and how I place my energy and be more intentional about it.
Part of the process manifested in starting a consulting business, formalizing a lot of work I was already doing. It also manifested in building a raised-bed vegetable garden; the first one I’d built since I was a teenager. Both put me further into the practice of putting hands to physical and metaphoric soil. I’m being more mindful of what I put out physically and energetically, and how I will use it to feed myself and others.
Sometimes growth has been simple and joyful – like the wildflowers my son and I planted and that took to the soil with barely any effort. Those got planted because my son saw some starters that had bloomed in a garden shop and exclaimed, “Look! How beautiful!” That growth was pure love, wonder, and joy.
And sometimes growth has been complicated and difficult – like balancing with decisions on how best to care for elders, a career shift, and having my nephews move in full-time for a few months – all at the beginning of the pandemic.
But whether simple or complicated, joyful or challenging, the growth of the past two years has been a lot about asking “Why.” It has been strategic thinking about myself and community, weighing my intentions against the impact of what they will look like later. I ask, “Why do I want to do this? Do I have time to nurture it properly? Will it be healthy for me and others? Am I cultivating this because I want to or need to or because it’s what others say I should grow? Will it preserve well so it can be used later? Can I show others how to grow things for themselves?”
What is one big, burning leadership question you are wrestling with these days?
Why don’t leaders ask “why” more – about the systems and people we seek to impact; about our own intent; and about ourselves?
As an individual, an educator, and the parent of an ever-curious small human, “Why?” is my favorite question. “Why” exposes the purpose behind the existence of things. Asking “why” forces me to slow down and look for the real answers. In a world where the dominant cultural default is to react – to do – that singular question and sound has so much power to slow things down, bring clarity, and create understanding.
What inspires you, gives you hope these days?
Asking myself this question is something that I’ve been putting into practice as a way of framing perspective and noticing the good in a moment.
My five-year-old son, Alexander, inspires me daily. I’m inspired by his discoveries, his joy and willingness to share his emotions and experiences. He is a constant teacher, and shows me so many things that I’ve forgotten. He inspires me to remember all the beauty and joy there is in the mundane and in the present.
A while back, I was hanging pots and pans in our kitchen’s pot rack and they were banging against each other. I was moving my hands to still and quiet what I perceived as noise and he exclaimed, “It’s music, Dada.”
When I stopped reacting to the routine of the chore and really listened, the pots and pans did sound like gongs and bells. It wasn’t just noise. It was music.
This work of transformational change is hard. Stepping in, stepping up, over time, can be draining – physically, intellectually, emotionally, psychically, spiritually. How do you recharge, restore, take care of yourself, rekindle your fire?
I wear many different hats, as the saying goes – son, brother, father, homemaker, husband/partner, friend, uncle, educator, entrepreneur, movement enthusiast, and much more. Being open to what feels good and brings restoration and peace in the moment is important to me, and I have found lots of ways, depending on the day.
It could mean something active, like a walk at lunch; taking time to really savor a bite from a meal; practicing aerial arts and acrobatics; dancing; singing; or painting with acrylics.
Other times, it’s more quiet, like reading a good book – I’m a fan of fiction books for recharging – or taking a mid-afternoon nap.
If I need a full reset, it’s being alone and completely immersed in nature, to remember something much bigger than me – often the beach, sometimes a mountain top.
Introduce us to someone you are/were close with personally, who shaped (or shapes) you and how you view leadership and possibility for a better community/world?
My father. He worked hard to make sure that my family was provided for in the best ways he could, while grappling with everything that came with being a Nuyorican, a parent, and a man who straddled many intersections of being.
He was a good man: an organizer, activist, and leader. He taught me about diligence, perseverance, deep listening, commitment, patience, love, and care for community.
He deeply believed in giving to and trusting others. I remember a major lesson from him about giving. At least once a week and on holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter, he’d package a dinner or two from what we’d cooked and deliver it to someone who needed it. Sometimes, I’d be in the yard and someone would pause for a moment to say, “Tell your father ‘Thank you.’” Some of these folks, I recognized – like the nurse who lived in the apartment next door. Sometimes it was someone who I only vaguely knew as a face in the community.
Although my father died in 2019, there is a lot I continue to learn and understand from him. Lately, as I think of him, I’m reminded of how critical story is to leadership, and how leadership can reach out to help create trust, community and positive change. I’m reminded that leadership can continue to have impact, evolve and grow even after I am no longer there to tend it.
It’s a meditation of sorts and a lesson in faith; that in the end, what I’m doing, what I’ve done, is and will be good, will be enough, and will be a meaningful and helpful part of the whole.
What do you recommend to us, in each of these categories:
- Reading – Most of my reading lately has been for teaching; the last book I read was Troublemaker for Justice: The Story of Bayard Rustin, the Man Behind the March on Washington. It inspired me to plan a teaching unit examining untold stories of black history, queer history, and other intersections of history and identity. My last pleasure read was by the Hartford-raised poet, editor, and essayist Ocean Vuong: On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous.
- Listening –The album on loop this month has been Simple Forms by the indie electronic band, The Naked and Famous, which is all about building yourself back to somewhere solid.
- Eating – Complex salads. Different types of greens, nuts, berries, cheese, locally made dressings, etc. I like the way salads are a new complete-whole, made out of complete-whole parts. Also, it’s been a way to get more vegetables and fruits into my diet so I don’t subsist solely on coffee or chicken, rice, and beans.
- Watching – My Holo Love. It’s a blend of sci-fi, romance and mystery, and brings up questions about the way that people grapple with loneliness. The show follows a young woman who forms a connection with a humanlike hologram and begins falling in love with it. She starts to question if the hologram is just a program or if it can love her back.
- Laughing – My son and my students. There is a similar energy between a 5-year-old and 10th, 11th, and 12th I love the way my son’s mind and the minds of my students work as they ask the kinds of questions that make me laugh and sometimes give me pause, questioning the way we’ve been conditioned to do things. Also, TikToks, especially the ones that feature BIPOC folks and LGBTQ+ folks experiencing joy.
- Wildcard – Immerse yourself in one thing you can savor each morning or night. For me, it’s often the first sip of coffee. I close my eyes, breathe deep, and take in all of the first sip with all of my senses.
Learn more about Jose via his consulting business, LinkedIn or Instagram
Get in touch with José directly: jose.feliciano@beintentive.com