photo by Lara Herscovitch

One of the exercises in CLP is about identifying and clarifying our own personal values. We each identify our top 5 values, writing one each on 5 index cards. Then we have to drop one… and another… until we are forced to choose our number 1, top value. What is your current One right now and why?

I’m a bit obsessed, to be honest, with creating connection between people. When Trump was elected, I really mourned and struggled with what was going to be my personal response. I wanted to do work that is an antidote to the damage he is doing, so I started to develop workshops on navigating difficult conversations – creating space for people to discuss the things that are hard for us to face. There is no limit on topics – death and dying, estrangement within families, discrimination in all its forms and manifestations, politics and whatever else is on the hearts and minds of participants.

The election made me realize how few of those conversations are taking place in an authentic, supportive way. And that we had grown more polarized as a culture than I realized; there was more suffering and disengagement present than I was aware of. I spent a lot of time reflecting on that – and decided that my small piece can be creating some space for these conversations.

In my work as a lawyer in a pretty conservative part of the field, in private practice, I never felt like I was with “my people.” CLP was transformative in my life, it made me feel like I found my people. And it gave me the strength to go back to the legal world and my clients to share the things I learned and initiate the social change I wanted to see.

So my course includes basic skills – non-judgement and listening with the objective of helping people find their own way of having difficult conversations. I present the work of the Harvard Negotiation Project – Getting to Yes, Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication and others to offer tools participants can incorporate into their own voices.

Recently I have added a specific focus on issues of race, that I co-facilitate with Tyree Dickey, who I met through CLP and also participated alongside in Niyonu Spann’s Beyond Diversity retreats and CEIO events.

I’ve always been interested in issues of race. But I didn’t know how to think about issues of race outside of my own personal relationships. Tyree and I have evolved our way of doing this work together, with the things we’ve learned are starting to partner with organizations.

People are hungry for honest, authentic conversations. Our primary rule is there’s no political correctness. As long as people are not intentionally hurting others, we invite them to stumble through conversations about race. We invite them to bring in the things they’re afraid to talk about. Replacing judgement with courage and curiosity is critical in our approach. It has been quite amazing.

Amazing in what way?

My groups in adult education classes are primarily older, white Americans. At first, I didn’t know how to open the dialogue about race. I tried to talk immediately about white supremacy. I found that label closed the conversation rather than opened it. So the next time I was more cautious; I made the comment, “Just because we have grandchildren of color, that doesn’t give us a pass for racism.”

It turned out that one white person in the class, in fact, had two African-American grandsons. And he announced proudly that their family never talked about race. He added  “and we keep their hair nice…” I stepped back, Tyree stepped forward. I felt like I was in a Krista Tippet moment; Tyree held the space, and said very calmly and openly, “well, they know what their race is.” Tyree had previously told her own story, so everyone had the chance to connect with her genuineness, she had touched their hearts. And the two of them engaged in this personal conversation about grandchildren, including him asking if his family should talk about it and how. I could see the shift in him – it felt very transformative, the conversation had opened a door. If we had started with his comment about their hair, there would have been no dialogue.

Another parent talked about her adopted child from Asia – now an adult – raised in their white family in a white suburb. She shared at one point that she never knew her child “didn’t feel white; we thought our job was to raise her as a white child in the suburbs, because that’s what we were told. Now our child is very angry about it, and we don’t know what to do.” She was grieving for her mistake, so we worked to support her in her discovery and help her understand that she is not alone and could return with courage and love to repair.

It feels important to create those spaces, so people have a chance to get some insight and direct the changes they need in their own lives. Small steps for an enormous complicated national and international crisis.

I am reminded of Ta-Nehisi Coates’s article on reparations and his call for “a national reckoning that would lead to spiritual renewal.” There will be no reckoning without understanding.

What is one big, burning leadership question you are wrestling with these days?

I am doing a lot of reading of history. It is distressing but encouraging at the same time; I struggle with whether we are really capable of creating a pluralistic society that is fair and just. When I say pluralistic, I mean people from different backgrounds – races, ethnicities, sexual expression, religions – and living in a way that no one’s points of views have to be so diluted, but we can hold it all.

We’ve struggled as a human species doing this. The failures are present in many aspects of our life – the rise of populism in Europe, Brexit, what’s happening in our own country. But how do we as humans transcend the very artificial national boundaries we’ve created to organize ourselves. Are we really capable of coming up with better solutions? It’s an existential question.

I get some hope from Vincent Harding, a Christian theologian, who said we’re really babies at this; be careful what your expectations are.

Do you believe it’s possible?

I do. But whether it’s possible or not is actually not where I focus my attention. All I know is, I’m in it. I’m going to keep working towards it. I guess the question is relevant in the sense that I don’t want to be deluded and unrealistic. Then again maybe I do. My focus is on the journey of discovery and possibility.

Along these lines, one of the things I’m really excited about right now is re-energizing my connection with CLP, and helping to engage other alums. I am honored to serve on the new Alumni Engagement Team, which is working to help connect our community. CLP was one of the most critical experiences of my adult life. I feel such potential in all of us – 500 or so – who share similar values and concerns about the world. I want to help us find more ways to support each other, and harness some of that power and interest to benefit New Haven and beyond.

It’s hard to care about the world. It’s wearing, you need your people. I see alumni engagement as a way to help provide that support. And continue the generational support. As a 65 year-old, I want to support the careers and learn from the generations that come behind me. It’s keeps me feeling younger and more understanding of the world we live in.

It’s not easy work, but it’s meaningful work. The Alumni Engagement Team or AET includes 18 folks representing most of the cohorts. We came together in a group, and we’re building something bigger, something CLP-wide, network-wide. We really want everyone to share on the journey together. It’s not hierarchical work, we’re co-creating it. That phrase co-create is used a lot, but it’s true, everyone is being invited to help shape the next phase of CLP; it will be inclusive of everyone who wants to be a part of it. My hope is we’re creating something with roots that will be available for people when they are ready to come back in. We want everyone to feel the door is always open to them.

We’re starting small, and we’ll be building. CLP alums will be getting invitations to gather. Our hope is that alums will attend, invite other members of their cohort to attend, and come to connect with them and members of different cohorts.

As you say, this work is not easy. Stepping in, stepping up can be draining – physically, intellectually, emotionally, psychically, spiritually. How do you recharge, restore, take care of yourself, rekindle your fire?

I play the steel pans – double tenor – in a group that Debbie Teason, a CLP’er, teaches at the Neighborhood Music School.  I love it. It’s a deeply soulful suspension. And it creates a connection with the other people playing. Music is transformative.

I also love to hike. My dream was to live in a place where I could go out the front door and be in nature, and I am now – we’re surrounded by water company land. My husband thought I’d want a bigger kitchen than the galley layout in our home, but I didn’t care at all about the kitchen— I wanted the rural setting. I taught myself how to camp and hike, we took our kids to national parks every summer. It’s a deep connection that goes way back for me. My family lived on a busy street in a suburb of Boston. The front of the house was a busy road, but behind the house was a huge tract of undeveloped land, peaceful and full of trees. I remember when my mom told me someone was interested in developing the land – they didn’t, it was swampy, not very pretty – I broke down in tears, it felt like such an incredible loss.

What inspires you, gives you hope these days?

The acts of love and kindness in the work of individuals. That people are doing the work in their own way. This week I saw the play The Band’s Visit, about an Egyptian band that is going to Israel to do a concert. They take the bus to the wrong town, because they don’t understand the language, and end up in a small Israeli town. Initially the people are very suspicious, but they make personal connections and that changes everything. There’s no mention of politics. It’s about what we share in common, as opposed to what separates us. I love what the arts are doing now. Transformational change is an inside job which starts by small steps.

I’m inspired by the courage people bring to difficult conversations – the conversations themselves, and shared vulnerability. Where are you at your best, where do you feel you’re falling down? Listening to each other, respecting everyone in the room. Messiness shows up, and the messiness is ok. Facilitative leadership, a skill we all need to build, is about holding a safe constructive space for this transformational change. These conversations need to take place in our day to day lives whenever the opportunity arises. The need is too pressing and the stakes too high to “wait for the right moment.”

Introduce us to someone you are/were close with personally (e.g., family, teacher, friend, mentor), who shaped (or shapes) you and how you view leadership and possibility for a better community/world?

It would be two – Tyree Dickey and Niyonu Spann.

As I mentioned earlier, Tyree and I were in the same CLP cohort. We had radically different childhoods, and at the same time, shared a special spark that arises when you connect on a soul level. She introduced me into an African-American world that I didn’t know much about. I will be forever grateful. I’ve always felt that one of the most important ways we can learn about each other is when we’re in each other’s homes, sitting at each other’s table. Tyree invited me into her home, into her family. She and her family have spent many hours in my home as well. Friendships are transformative.

Niyonu is a model of how to do social justice work in a non-judging, transformative way, based on love and respect. I’ve done three Beyond Diversity 101 programs now, Tyree was also at two of them. It’s not on the surface, it’s really deep, challenging work. When very hard things occur in a circle or group, Niyonu is able to hold and process what is happening in such a skillful, respectful way. Her approach is different than other diversity training I have done. Systems of oppression hurt everyone and Niyonu’s approach supports everyone – we all have a part and a role in everything that happens, so the question is how are we collectively and individually going to deal with it.

She and the participants have helped me see and understand how people don’t view white supremacy and systemic racism in the same ways, and even still, can see the outcome and the destructive force of racism in this country. They just have different language for it. I want people who identify as white to get to the place, for example, where they understand that “being white”  has created a different experience in this country that is privileged and deeply traumatizing.

What do you recommend to us, in each of these categories: 
  • Reading – I am immersed in re-doing American history. Right now, I’m reading Lepore’s These Truths – where the focus is on the voices we have not heard.
  • Listening – Meditation. We undervalue silence in this culture. So much power and opportunity exists in the silences of our lives. Sacred pauses I call them, and they are critical for me. I’ve meditated since I was in high school. I’m now in a women’s meditation group that was started recently by another CLP grad.
  • Eating – Staying clear of refined sugar. It’s scary. Not easy, but sugar is a poison.
  • Watching – National Museum of African American History & Culture in Washington, D.C.
  • Laughing – I love to laugh. My 18 month old grandson is hilarious. It’s really fun to be in the presence of children, what they see in the world is so different. Hearing him laugh and make sense of the world makes me laugh. I like being light hearted, laughing with friends.
  • Wildcard – Reconnecting with old friends is wonderful, and making new friends is fun, and possible, and enriching.

To get in touch directly with Lisa: lisaanderson62@gmail.com

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