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One of the exercises in CLP is about identifying and clarifying our personal values. We each identify our top five values, writing one each on five index cards. Then we have to drop one, and another… until we are left holding the card with our number one, top value. What is your current One right now and why?

I remember that exercise very well. It was hard then, and it’s hard now. I think if I had to pick one right now, it would be integrity.

I feel like currently, I just want to show up and my voice needs to be what it is, raw. I’m in a place where I can say what I feel I need to say about whatever’s happening around me. In a time where there’s so much hate going on in the world, and a lot of influencing in person and on social media, it feels like integrity is still my top value.

What is one big, burning leadership question you are wrestling with these days?

One is, am I as confident as I should be in my leadership. I don’t know – I always feel like, is there more? I question when I have thoughts after some interaction or meeting or conversation. Did I say everything I needed to say, or is this what’s just coming up naturally in reflection?

That feels directly connected to what you said about integrity; is it an internal confidence versus an external voicing of that confidence?

Right, correct. It is an external voicing of confidence for me. I am an analytical person in nature and I have grown to be more concise in my thought process in order to articulate my truth. Because I feel the confidence is there in what I have experienced, what I bring to the table, the skills and knowledge of what I have in general – I feel confident about all that. But it’s like, at the time, I start thinking, did I assert that, did I put that all on the table at the time.

This will be a life-long practice and that is okay. As long as I am conscious of it and never allow myself to be silenced, I will continue to do the self-work.

What inspires you, gives you hope these days?

What’s inspiring today is seeing just how far things have come in the last three years in social justice.

“Far” is not far enough. But, it brings me hope and is inspiring, watching movements of people and movements of purpose really be powerful and change, seeing some movement with police brutality and the things that have been in the forefront for as long as I can remember in my life and many lives before me.

There was a point where I was starting to feel like this really is a hamster wheel, and we’re not going anywhere, this is not enough. Am I going to have to physically defend myself one day? Often as I head out shopping or to a public place it crosses my mind whether I will encounter a racist cop or murderer, or a Karen. Not that that’s completely gone, but now I feel like people can stand up for me like we did for them. And actually have movement and people pay for their crimes, even if they’re wearing a badge. There’s some of that happening, so that to me is inspiring.

This work of transformational change is hard. Stepping in, stepping up, over time, can be draining – physically, intellectually, emotionally, psychically, spiritually. How do you recharge, restore, take care of yourself, rekindle your fire?

Literally in the middle of August of 2020, I decided to self-preserve. I’m a Black woman, a mother, a Black professional, and I started to say, I’m not doing it all today. I made a decision to really step back from some things and give myself permission to take some space from the front line.

I connect with other black and brown women socially to encourage and fill each other up in fellowship. I have some of the most priceless connections between family and friends which are a huge part of refueling. I joined a high school friend, Delores “Dee” Williams, co-owner of People Get Ready Bookstore in New Haven, in starting a Safe Space group during Covid. We agreed that isolation was detrimental to our peers and community during the health crisis and wanted to create a virtual space to connect and provide emotional support and even direct resources if needed. Dee shared her dream of creating the space and I said let’s do it, tell me what you want me to do.

A year later, we are still connecting regularly. We just met up last weekend with another powerful friend, and we continue to provide support and encouragement to each other.

In circles with a majority of white people, I was asked so often to explain why things need to be different, or why we need to do things this way. Literally I started to say, I’m not coming to the meetings, because you all need to do this work, I can’t do it for you. Put the burden right back where it belongs. So certain things, management teams, I literally took space from it.

I’ve grown to be able to do that, respecting that I have to keep my own head on straight and know my limit. So for me it’s always staying in tune with where I am emotionally, where I’m filled up, then doing something about it when I notice it.

Are there other specific things you turn to, in those times when you notice it? 

Sometimes I drown myself in self-care: I get facials, go on vacation, take a trip, I do outward things. But most of the time it’s really just settling in and letting my thoughts out, no-intention journal writing or recording them on audio, or recording a podcast with my fiancé, I can talk about what I am feeling and thinking. Different things to do inner work and just let it out in whatever way is constructive at the time. I really enjoy just being home with my family.

Introduce us to someone you are/were close with personally (e.g., family, teacher, friend, mentor), who shaped (or shapes) you and how you view leadership and possibility for a better community/world?

Hm. That’s so many people that I see every day.

My earliest inspiration and memory would be my Aunt Ann. She worked in a nursing home, and they would often have to form a picket line, because things were not in their best interest. I remember going there with my cousin — we were so amped up to go with her and hold signs. I had to be around eight years old; we were kids, and just wanted to be outside and around people.

They’d be chanting, we’d be watching. I knew it was something important, because there were a lot of people and serious faces. I knew they were asking for something: “We want…” whatever they were saying. But of course, I never really recognized the organizing of it, what they have to do every day or every week.

But more so, when I was able to really understand that I’m going to the demonstration for a reason, the person is Barbara Fair in New Haven. One of her sons plus her oldest daughter and I have been really close, we’re all in the same circle. She’s been a close family friend for more than 10 years, she’s family. I’m getting married in July, she will be there.

All the things that I was upset about, and seeing somebody do something about it – everyone should be her. Everyone should know her fight because she fights it for us. Everyone should recognize all the work she’s done and is still doing in terms of leadership and advocacy for human rights.

She was always on the front line, always. We should all really be that relentless and selfless, to create a better future for people to come to. It’s that simple.

What do you recommend to us, in each of these categories:
  • Reading – The first thing that comes to my mind is, the fine print. In situations, literally on paper, in community when people are approaching you for certain things, really reading that fine print, whatever it is. Read the fine print, please.
  • Listening – I’m from Brooklyn, and I tell everyone, really, really hear a good Jay Z lyric. You have to really listen, because there is so much there. It’s so hard to pick one album or song; something more recent is Family Feud.
  • Eating – Eat what makes you wiggle your toes, whatever’s that good to you. Something that’s that good, whether your granny makes it, your cousin, your aunt, you buy it at your favorite restaurant, whatever it is, just eat what makes your toes wiggle, joyful eating. For me, I have so many… I think it’s my mom’s cheesecake. I only eat it once, maybe twice a year. She uses graham cracker crust. A lot of people in my family like it with fruit, but I like it in its purest form after she bakes it. It’s so good.
  • Watching – Oh my gosh, there is so much – tv and movies is a love of mine, I really enjoy that. I’m in love with Shonda Rhimes, all of her shows. Really cheesy, Grey’s Anatomy is one. I like dramas, deep emotional types of movies. One that I watched a lot when I was younger that still speaks to me is Spike Lee’s Crooklyn. It’s what I imagine it was like for my mom, aunts and uncles growing up, living in a big apartment with my grandmother who was sick. She raised them fiercely, and a lot of times by herself. It’s funny, relatable, and has good music in it.
  • Laughing – What I’m watching currently that’s funny is Abbott Elementary. I’m glad they’re bringing this type of tv back, it’s very subtle, dry humor. It’s categorized as a mockumentary, it’s really dramatic at times.
  • Wildcard – A lot of people really are selfless in many ways, it shows up differently. But I would recommend that you make sure you’re focusing on you too. We can’t just be in the world for everyone else, we have to show up for ourselves. Do things that bring joy to you, for you. Take those moments to be “selfish,” because those are important too.

Get in touch with Miriam directly: miriammjohnson212@gmail.com or on Instagram

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