photo by Lara Herscovitch
I was ruthlessly bullied as a gay kid. As an adult, I feel it’s my responsibility to stand up to bullies and show that it’s not OK.
I certainly have been getting a lot of that “opportunity” lately.
As I wrote in The Circle in late 2020, I focus on faith and gratitude and reframing negative things.
I have also been getting a lot of that opportunity lately.
My husband Ed and I have lived in our home in Watertown for the past 14 years. It is our sanctuary; as I shared in my Interview, we’ve invested a lot of time and resources and heart into making it into a place that we love.
For 14 years, we have flown a pride flag on our house, and it’s always been a very positive thing — a symbol of love and welcome in a very conservative town, an opportunity for conversation and relationship building, and an expression of who we are, cherished by the kids in our lives who just love the rainbow colors.
Until now — welcome to America 2024!
Two weeks ago, we put up a few yard signs expressing our excitement to support the new democratic ticket for President. That’s when a bit of trouble started. On several occasions we would hear obscenities shouted from cars as they passed by. “Are you f***ing kidding me?” and “What the h*ll’s wrong with you?” are a couple of examples. One evening, someone drove by our home, revving their truck engine and spinning their tires over and over, filling our yard with smoke. Each time it happened, we were out of sight, sitting on our patio behind our home. For all they knew, they were yelling to an empty house. I thought, “what ridiculous immaturity!”
Then it went from ridiculous to scary.
On Friday afternoon a week and a half ago, we received a letter in the mail, stamped and postmarked from a return address only messily written as “Americans that care.” Even in its shortness, the letter was filled with gross misogynist, racist, homophobic, hateful language.
In the darkness of night that same Friday, a masked man (caught on our Ring camera) ripped the pride flag and pole from the front of our house, running off with the flag and stealing the three political signs we had in our yard. As he ran off we could hear him talking with others, who were also in our yard.
Everyone is entitled to their political opinions. It’s our First Amendment right, it’s what this country is based on. I want to live in a society where we have different opinions. But we need to respect and listen to each other. You’re not entitled to go tear things off people’s houses, threaten and intimidate them.
After the two incidents, seemingly related and coordinated, we certainly felt threatened and intimidated.
I was — I am — concerned and upset by it. And, as in Matthew 5:39: “But I say to you: Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also.”
I was not going to be silenced for a moment. Immediately on Saturday morning, after the police came to take a report, I put up an old, faded and tattered pride flag that we had stored in the garage after many years of use. I had a spare Harris/Walz sign that I put up in the front yard. A neighbor dropped off a Harris/Walz banner and family and friends dropped off or mailed new pride flags to us (I now have a stack of them). I got up on a ladder and hung the banner over our garage door (they’ll have to climb up to get it down) and hung another pride flag and Harris/Walz sign on our deck, again high up off the ground.
We are much more vigilant now, but we won’t be silenced! We won’t pull the blinds, and take everything down, and hide. We will stand up to bullies and hate, our pride will show stronger and we will spread love over hate!
As word of the incident started to spread, I got a phone call at 8:45 Sunday morning from our U.S. Congresswoman, Jahana Hayes. We spoke for about 15 minutes, and she let us know that she stands by us, is so sorry for what has happened and is grateful that we are standing strong and proud.
She said a phrase we’ve been hearing a lot nationwide lately: “We are not going back.” And that what happened over the past few days feels like 1964. She told me she would like to come and be in fellowship with us at church one Sunday. As a Deacon at our church, I told her she was welcome anytime.
She and her husband, Milford, came and worshipped with us that same morning. It was such an affirming experience; Ed and I feel so grateful and supported.
We got a call from the Waterbury Republican and I did an interview — it was front page news on Monday morning. Every television station in Connecticut has been to our home to cover the story and do interviews. Radio stations too. Social justice organizations have reached out to invite me to come tell our story.
The very next day, our next-door neighbor put up a pride flag on their house. Then, over the course of the week, other flags and rainbow items have been put up on other houses on our street. Neighbors have been dropping off rainbow flags, cookies, cards and donuts with wonderful messages of love and support. A four-year-old whose mother told us she loves our rainbow flag painted a pumpkin rainbow colors and stopped yesterday to give it to us. Someone dropped off a dozen eggs today. Some people have stopped just wanting a hug.
They are all reminding us that there is more love and many more good people than there is hate and those who choose to act out anonymously, shamefully and violently.
We will not be silenced!
We will not go back!
I have been trained and look forward to serving as a poll chaplain/peacekeeper in Pennsylvania on election day. I’m excited to be a calm, helpful and reassuring presence in what has become such a divisive and anxiety fraught election.
From hate we can shine a light on it and spread love. Moving forward — with a heart full of pride and hope!
Get in touch with Chris directly: cacole1@mac.com