photo source Connecticut Post

Spring 2020: Ode to Breathe

I’m exhausted,

down-right bone tired

It is just beyond me right now

Breathe in (1,2,3,4),

Hold…,

Breathe Out…

Coronavirus – “I can’t breathe”

Ventilators?

Quarantining, social distancing, people distancing

Death and Destruction

Covid-19 Masks

Breathe…

Slavery to modern day lynching

Protest

Anti-racism

New normal, is not normal

Undoing racism

Allies, Advocates, Caucuses

“I can’t breathe”

Packed in ships, bottles, syringes

Vaccines,

Post-convalescence

Double, Double, Toil and Trouble

When will it stop?

How do I make it stop?

Contact tracing – “I can’t breathe”

Breathe…

Will it ever change? Has it ever changed?

Is there herd immunity from hatred and racism?

“I can’t breathe”

Breathe in (1,2,3,4),

Hold…,

Breathe out

*****

I am an assistant professor in the department of public health at Southern Connecticut State University. I have practiced and cared about public health since before I knew what public health was; I was inspired in the early 90’s when I saw population and community health in action. I have always focused on women’s health; other topics of interest (environmental health, health disparities, public partnerships) are just intersections.

I wrote this poem after three straight days of holding sacred space for black sisters to write, leading them into meditation with breath prior to writing. I asked them to experience their presence with breath, amidst hearing and seeing the news of hatred and violence against black and brown bodies.

Students asked, why do they hate us so? So, myself and others feel the pressure ever the more to continue to do anti-racism work.

It’s exhausting.

And we wonder why the rates of black women (maternal mortality) and black babies (infant mortality) are so high. I wonder how can it not be in this society.

I care deeply about our students and young people, who I haven’t been able to see in person since mid-March. I tell my students that they are my seeds, the seeds of change. How I connect with them in relationship is intentional – the caring, the sharing, the healing. They are scared, confused, courageous, outraged, and anxious. They are learning and growing into their talents and discovering the work they want to do. Demanding the world they want to live in, and the lives they want to try to lead in this time of coronavirus.

We know that this virus is particularly insidious inside of lungs, many times requiring people to be placed on ventilators, because they can’t breathe, George Floyd couldn’t breathe. My breath, “every breath you take” is a form of protest, mine and your existence is a form of protest.

We breathe. I write. I cry, I breathe, I teach and want action. One of my favorite William Faulkner quotes:

“Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world… would do this, it would change the earth.”

To reach Marian directly: evansm7@southernct.edu

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