photo source Connecticut Post
Spring 2020: Ode to Breathe
I’m exhausted,
down-right bone tired
It is just beyond me right now
Breathe in (1,2,3,4),
Hold…,
Breathe Out…
Coronavirus – “I can’t breathe”
Ventilators?
Quarantining, social distancing, people distancing
Death and Destruction
Covid-19 Masks
Breathe…
Slavery to modern day lynching
Protest
Anti-racism
New normal, is not normal
Undoing racism
Allies, Advocates, Caucuses
“I can’t breathe”
Packed in ships, bottles, syringes
Vaccines,
Post-convalescence
Double, Double, Toil and Trouble
When will it stop?
How do I make it stop?
Contact tracing – “I can’t breathe”
Breathe…
Will it ever change? Has it ever changed?
Is there herd immunity from hatred and racism?
“I can’t breathe”
Breathe in (1,2,3,4),
Hold…,
Breathe out
*****
I am an assistant professor in the department of public health at Southern Connecticut State University. I have practiced and cared about public health since before I knew what public health was; I was inspired in the early 90’s when I saw population and community health in action. I have always focused on women’s health; other topics of interest (environmental health, health disparities, public partnerships) are just intersections.
I wrote this poem after three straight days of holding sacred space for black sisters to write, leading them into meditation with breath prior to writing. I asked them to experience their presence with breath, amidst hearing and seeing the news of hatred and violence against black and brown bodies.
Students asked, why do they hate us so? So, myself and others feel the pressure ever the more to continue to do anti-racism work.
It’s exhausting.
And we wonder why the rates of black women (maternal mortality) and black babies (infant mortality) are so high. I wonder how can it not be in this society.
I care deeply about our students and young people, who I haven’t been able to see in person since mid-March. I tell my students that they are my seeds, the seeds of change. How I connect with them in relationship is intentional – the caring, the sharing, the healing. They are scared, confused, courageous, outraged, and anxious. They are learning and growing into their talents and discovering the work they want to do. Demanding the world they want to live in, and the lives they want to try to lead in this time of coronavirus.
We know that this virus is particularly insidious inside of lungs, many times requiring people to be placed on ventilators, because they can’t breathe, George Floyd couldn’t breathe. My breath, “every breath you take” is a form of protest, mine and your existence is a form of protest.
We breathe. I write. I cry, I breathe, I teach and want action. One of my favorite William Faulkner quotes:
“Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world… would do this, it would change the earth.”
To reach Marian directly: evansm7@southernct.edu
Dear Marian, This is absolutely beautiful. You speak so eloquently about the the painful and the feared, and yet in your words their is hope. I read with my eyes but felt your words with every ounce of me. It is a moving tribute to our times.❤️