photo by Lara Herscovitch
(Note: originally posted March 11, updated March 17.)
One of the exercises in CLP is about identifying and clarifying our own personal values. We each identify our top 5 values, writing one each on 5 index cards. Then we have to drop one… and another… until we are forced to choose our number 1, top value. What is your current One right now and why?
Love. That is an easy answer! Love is my top core value. It is what drives me to do everything. And not necessarily just, ‘I love my children,’ – which I do – or, ‘I love my community,’ which I do. But it’s love for me being my full self and being able to share that. To be who and what I am, to be free, to be myself.
It’s what makes every cell in my body jump up and down when I make a decision. And when it’s not there, that’s what stops me from making a decision. Either love is there or it’s not.
For a long time, probably most of my life, I was more concerned with how I was perceived by others. What others thought I should be and do. And that hurt me. I ended up a version of myself, but not my real self. I look at old pictures and I look like myself, but I was what I thought I should be based on where I lived or worked or whatever role I signed up for.
Being me, myself, who I am, and loving that is what drives me now. I’m not concerned with being accepted anymore. I love to see other people realize that they can do that too. They do it, and it feels good too.
Do you think of it as self-actualization?
That’s exactly what it is. You become who you are, you make it happen. Without that, you don’t know how far you can soar, what you might see.
I don’t let whatever is etched out for me based on whatever story society is saying about who I’m supposed to be. I don’t let that define who I am. I can’t. It’s easy to do it, though. I did it for a while – we all do. They tell you what the role is: talk like this, stay in this box, right here, heaven forbid you step out of it, “what are you doing?” But you don’t have to answer.
It reminds me of that Marianne Williamson quote, ‘when we shine it gives other people permission to shine…’
Yes, it takes nothing away from you to encourage another to shine. What is wrong with taking up space, if it’s your own space? It takes nothing away from somebody else. Society really does a number on us ladies. Oh my goodness. I know people who believe, ‘you can’t give a woman too many compliments, because if you do, she’s going to think too highly of herself.’ What is wrong with that?
What is one big, burning leadership question you are wrestling with these days?
It’s related to some feedback I received about how the type of mindfulness and wellness work I am doing is perceived by the education system.
The work I’m doing is centered in mindfulness, movement, meditation and music. The reaction I get – especially with yoga – is that it’s new or “new-age.” It may seem new from a very Eurocentric, patriarchal perspective, which is the default perspective in our society. And the American public education system is also a by-product of that perspective. But in reality, my work is continuing tradition from ancient philosophy.
Since 2000, I’ve worked in public and charter schools as a teacher, Dean of Students, Magnet Coach and parent. I was one of the 3% of Black teachers in the state, so I held a perspective valuable to many of the concerns that were continuing to arise in classrooms. Although I still hold my Connecticut State Teaching certificate, I left full-time teaching and became a certified, insured, and Registered Yoga Teacher (RYT 200). In 2018, I created Zen Zilla Yoga and Wellness, LLC. I offer school-based and community-based mindfulness, movement and meditation from an Afrocentric perspective.
I thought I would have no problem re-entering into schools with the curriculum I created. I was wrong. I didn’t realize they would view mindfulness as a “new” way of approaching thinking and be reluctant to try it. Again, pushback resting on ancient practices of mindfulness and yoga being perceived as non-traditional. And the question I ask is, well, how is “traditional” working for you?
I saw resistance where I didn’t expect it. There’s reluctance to adopt new ways of thinking as it relates to viewing behavior and approaching behavior management. Not so much for curricula. Every five years there’s a whole new thing. Educators have to learn it, re-learn it, have a workshop with parents so they can learn it, then five years later, there’s another new thing.
When it comes to behavior, sometimes there are initiatives, but it isn’t consistent. There are administrators and educators who have an opinion of mindfulness, meditation and yoga as woo-woo, and kind of hippy-dippy. They’re not. It’s science, it’s mathematics, physics, metaphysics – it’s culture, it’s nature. Research has shown yoga and meditation to decrease stress and anxiety while improving memory, focus, and physical health. These practices work to address the cause and not just the behavior.
Sadly, so many of the misconceptions are held by people who have not engaged in any of the mindful practices.
I used to feel sad and frustrated about it, wishing they would understand me and how my programs will help my colleagues, students, and families who participate. I had the keys, but I was not getting in. I tried to pick the locks, but I still was not getting in. But I’ve stopped worrying about it, I stopped knocking on doors that were being closed. Once I stopped worrying, then opportunities to work with schools and community programs came to me.
I had been doing so many things to try to fix the “broken” system – for 20 years I’ve been in the classroom, working in out-of-school-time programs, writing curriculum, writing training programs, school readiness, Montessori, charter school. Then I realized the system wasn’t broken, because it was never developmentally appropriate for children in the first place. It was never intended to include Black children. It is operating exactly the way it was supposed to. It was not intended to elevate girls, none of that. It wasn’t even intended to elevate children as individuals.
How does mindfulness practice change what’s happening in schools?
During my last year in the classroom, I taught fourth grade. We practiced mindfulness at least twice each day; once after morning announcements and then after lunch. It became a part of the classroom culture. The breathing techniques, the visualizations, the progressive relaxation techniques are all easily transferable. After some time, I observed students practicing strategies on their own. Parents would tell me about their children showing them some of the breathing techniques or some of the yoga poses at home.
Mindfulness addresses the child’s whole experience and point of view. The child in the classroom is just one small piece of what’s happening. Mindfulness changes everything, because it allows you to turn off your five senses. We only ever talk about the five senses. I taught kindergarten for a while and we were required to teach about them. These five senses help us interpret what’s outside of us.
But there is a sixth sense of knowing. Knowing that we are before the interpretation of what’s perceivable by our five senses. Before the interaction with sight, sound, smell, taste and touch.
To understand who we are, what we’re seeing from where we’re standing, we have to be able to check in. Turn the vision inward, and see what’s there. Listen to what’s happening now, don’t replay what we heard in the past or practice for what’s in the future. Feel now, not memories or worries. When we shift our perspective inward that’s when we’re clear, not distracted. We see all of our interactions differently.
A clear example I can think of is around social media with teens and youth. The past few years, so much has changed in our culture. Something could happen with a group of kids on a school bus, on their snapchat or Instagram or whatever. By the time they get to school, there could be a crew at a cafeteria table waiting for them. Maybe a physical altercation happens, maybe the school addresses it just as that physical altercation. And maybe nothing physical happens. But it’s still a thing. And it’s not addressed, because there’s nothing in the school to address those subtleties. And those subtleties are causing more of the problems that are impacting schools day-to-day, and interrupting the learning. I still have children in public schools, and I haven’t seen any of it addressed.
My vision is for mindfulness to be a part of school culture, so it’s not extra sprinkles, or, ‘hey, the mindfulness lady is coming in at the end of the month.’ It should be embedded into the curriculum, classroom culture, professional development, behavioral practices. Where it is accepted, I’m working with students one-on-one, in small groups, with whole classes and in teacher workshops.
Do you get any of the pushback from students that the adults have shown?
No. Well, only the developmentally-appropriate pushback to any adult telling them what to do! But to the ideas, no. There might be some resistance to some yoga poses that seem awkward, but I always give students a choice. If we’re doing yoga, and they want to sit or lay down the whole time and use their yoga block as a pillow, I’m fine with that.
Adults generally don’t respect children as individuals to have agency and a voice. We don’t teach about consent in schools. And then we wonder why there’s confusion in adulthood, or feigned confusion?
What inspires you, gives you hope these days?
I do! I’m not even joking, I inspire myself.
I’m not going to say, you know, I had a rough childhood growing up. I have great parents. We lived in the Edenwald projects in the Bronx, but I didn’t realize it was “the projects” until after we left. After I heard how people talked about the projects. We were different, but there were other families like us, just as unique within their own cultures and families.
My parents were teachers and I loved to read. I loved playing school and grading papers. My dad immigrated here before I was born, so we very much grew up in a Ghanaian-American, Islamic household. We were very well-rounded. We played instruments, we were athletes, I wrote music, did art, made clothes, knitted, braided.
I did all that, and was extraordinary, only to go out into the world and be told I was just regular. Not even regular. Below that, just basic. Because of where I lived, or went to school or how I looked. Inside, I thought, “What are you talking about?” I was told, “Your name is funny,” when I knew others with my name. Or “You look funny,” when I knew others with my features. It doesn’t even have to be said. It’s those subtleties, like that space between the stars. You can’t describe it, you can’t tell what color it is, but without it you can’t see the points.
For instance, if I traveled out of town and forgot my makeup bag, I couldn’t go into any drugstore and assume they’d have foundation in my shade. Shampoo? Nope. Hair products? Not generally. I grew up up in a society where my skin tone and hair texture was not normalized, despite seeing it all around me, in my neighborhood and home.
It made mental gymnastics necessary for me to navigate a path to my own self-worth. My parents are great role models, and they sought positive images for us. They gave us black Barbies intentionally, and nearly exclusively. When we visited our relatives in Canada, I remember them being in awe at the sight of so many brown Barbie dolls. It was important for us to have that in the 80s, it was a big deal because we were so underrepresented in positive imagery.
No one has to tell you you’re “ugly,” if you look on television and you don’t see yourself represented in a favorable light. I wanted to be Linda Carter as Wonder Woman, because she was so beautiful. And she was, but then I was too, but I didn’t see it. Just Google “beautiful woman” and by noticing what is not there, you will see what I mean. I still don’t see my hair in shampoo commercials.
It comes back to the five senses again. I knew with my sixth sense I was all these amazing things my parents told me, but with my five senses I went into the world and saw none of that. So many times I got knocked down for standing up for what I believed in – and I still turned out alright. With support, and therapy, and meditation, real mindfulness, filling my mind with myself. So, I inspire myself. I have three children who are amazing; their father, my family, my parents are amazing.
This work of transformational change is hard. Stepping in, stepping up, over time, can be draining – physically, intellectually, emotionally, psychically, spiritually. How do you recharge, restore, take care of yourself, rekindle your fire?
I appreciate this question so much. Periodically I ask myself this. Because I feel like I reach a plateau where I can’t just stay and be satisfied. It was great for the old me, but now I’ve reached an elevated vibration, now what? When I find that I’m just going through the motions, that’s when I know I need to step it up. Take more training, do some more reading, add on.
I’m big on self-care and what it means to me. It used to mean going to get my nails done and so on. But now it means what feels good; one day recently I had to rest, not work, and not feel guilty about it.
Are there specific practices you follow each day?
I practice what I teach. My own personal spiritual practice, every single morning – right after I make my bed, I do my mindfulness practice. I do a mindful breathing exercise, to separate from my five senses and drop into my sixth sense. I used to listen to tones to get myself focused, but now I don’t. The sounds of life – the birds, the wind through the trees, a siren or whatever – doesn’t distract me. These sounds keep me focused on the present moment.
Before my meditation, I have a dedication to my ancestors. The people in my family who came before me. Without them, I wouldn’t be here. The teachers, speakers, singers, dancers, artists, braiders, carvers, presenters, musicians – there are many on both sides. I’m very grateful to my ancestors who came before me, I’m very aware of the legacy I’m leaving and being respectful to them.
I do a grounding ritual, a sage smudge that is intended to eliminate any lingering negative energies from the day or night before. I go through each room with that intention, then open a door to let that energy out and let in fresh air and positivity.
Then I do yoga and meditation. I really just notice how I feel. For me the whole meditation is about dropping in. The whole process takes between 30 minutes and an hour.
I pull from a sacred geometry oracle card deck every day. Because I love math, colors, the symmetry and artistry of geometry. It gives me a bit of a lens to view the day. Today’s card was Coherence – it’s one of my favorites – it’s when the energies of your head and heart are aligned. When what you think and what you feel connect, you’re able to speak your truth.
I pay attention to synchronicities, the little signs. I learn from others, and their practices. I meet cool people who are also on my path.
Introduce us to someone you are/were close with personally (e.g., family, teacher, friend, mentor), who shaped (or shapes) you and how you view leadership and possibility for a better community/world?
Definitely my dad – Mohamed Ali Dabre III. My father immigrated here from Ghana in the 70s. He’s a retired teacher, and went back and forth quite a bit between breaks. We are part of the Bissa tribe and he grew up near the Accra capital region. His father – my grandfather – was the Chief of the Bissa community when he was growing up. When my grandfather passed, the role became my uncle’s. And when my uncle passed in 2010, my father retired from teaching early so that he could go back home and take the leadership role.
Growing up in the U.S., that family role in Ghana wasn’t part of my awareness. But when I visited in 2013 for my father’s Chieftaincy Ceremony, I could see my dad interacting in that role. It helped me understand that leading a community is about listening to the people of the community on a regular basis. It’s about knowing that the people who specialize in what they do are the best ones to tell you about what their needs are.
In our Bissa community there’s a council, and on the council there are about 17 different chiefs – commerce, agriculture, and so on. When they meet every two weeks, they bring the issues and concerns of their domains. Because of the community building and community work, community members have access to medical treatment, a school building, a mosque, all from collective work and responsibility.
So I learned from him that leadership is not just a position that you hold because you’ve been appointed or hold certain credentials (or if it’s a monarchy, that you inherited). There’s an actual collective responsibility. I didn’t realize the magnitude of my father’s work until I went there.
Any time I have conflicts to resolve, he’s someone I turn to. He always knows the right thing to say so that it feels like the challenges are not insurmountable. It’s very empowering, not coddling. He helped me understand how to look at things practically and to believe in myself. The importance of listening to others. Taking what I have learned and acquired, and bringing it back – we’re not just achieving here for ourselves, there are so many others counting on us.
What do you recommend to us, in each of these categories:
- Reading – Read energies, because they don’t lie. Everything is energy, vibration. Sound, sight, light. People talk about getting good vibes, or bad vibes from something; that is a real, actual thing. We send signals in waves all the time, so we should read them. We’re starting to see the concrete, perceivable manifestations of what happens when people ignore those vibrations, and we need to read them more. And teach other people how to read them.
- Listening – Listen to yourself. And you can only listen to yourself if you sit down and be quiet. People think, “oh I have ‘me time’ when I go to the gym,” or “I have me time when I go for a run.” No, you don’t, because you’re making sure you don’t trip over a rock, or run into a tree, and you got your mace in your pocket or whatever. No. Sit down, and be still where you won’t be disturbed, and be comfortable and just chill out and listen to yourself.
- Eating – Eat whatever you want. If you want to eat a rack of brontosaurus ribs, and that makes you feel good, go for it. I doubt it will, but go for it. When you restrict yourself, you really want that chocolate cake, you’re just so sad about it. But then when you eat it and you hate yourself for it, you’re sad about that. So, do whatever feels better to you. I call myself a flexitarian. I’ve been vegan, vegetarian; I never have pork because of my upbringing. I eat what I want, but I don’t want things that make me feel bad. I do care about the souls of the chickens and that they’ve been where it’s crowded and sad, and that has stopped me too. What is it, 80% of food is how it smells? So if it doesn’t smell right, I’m not going to eat it.
- Watching – I don’t watch television; I haven’t since 2017. But it is not possible to miss the abrupt shift that has occurred since COVID-19 has caused our day-to-day lives to come to a halt. I was teaching a mindfulness class in a local school when the word for indefinite closings came. One town after the next. We didn’t know what it meant and as time goes on, we’ve become familiar with a lifestyle and terms we didn’t use a week ago. “Closed (indefinitely).” “Social isolation,” “Quarantine.” To stay grounded and calm, I am adding on to my practices and using this time to reconnect with myself. I’ve been continuing to observe the sunrise after my meditation, but I have also added watching the sun setting. I’ve been going on more hikes, taking different trails. Nurturing my creativity and resourcefulness. Spending time with my children. Watching them and how they are growing. Seeing them for who they are in this time. Seeing myself, my strengths, and where I can grow.
- Laughing – Laugh a lot. At whatever you can, even for no reason. But not at people. Nobody likes to be laughed at.
- Wildcard – Get in nature as much as you can. Get sunlight, fresh air and water as much as you can, every day. Get the ground beneath your feet. Start small, if you’re not used to it. But, get outside every single day, even if it’s just sitting outside to look at the sky for a few minutes.
Learn more about Shefau at Zen Zilla Yoga and Wellness and One Village Healing
To get in touch with Shefau directly: zenzillayoga@gmail.com or (203) 850-7054