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One of the exercises in CLP is about identifying and clarifying our personal values. In Cohort 10, we a different top core value of ours, on five index cards. Then we had to drop one, and another… until we were left holding the card with our number one, top value. What is your current One right now and why?
Oh my god, it’s taking me right back to CLP! The struggle of trying to put all of the things that matter to you onto index cards, and seeing which ones are you willing to let go of or compromise.
For me, being genuine and authentic is one of my biggest values. I think that we need to show up as who we are, without the mask. And be open to share that person, to share that vulnerability.
It just shows character, when you’re showing up the same way, time and time again.
Is that something you’ve grown into, or is it something that you’ve always been able to do?
It is something I pushed away for a long time, and I think I developed it over years of disappointment and failed expectations. I learned to just be who I am — regardless of how other people might see me. I need to be true to myself.
I used to try to just be the person that people expected, and show up in spaces as what people thought I should be. And at some point, maybe two or three years ago, I shifted that. I’m just going to be me, and if they accept me, then beautiful, we can continue a connection. If they don’t, that’s beautiful as well, and we can continue on our separate paths.
Bravo to you for finding your way to being who you are. That’s hard to do in this culture, especially weaving around all the cultural “rules” or habits of patriarchy and racism.
Yeah. And I mean, it’s still a journey. There’s moments where I have to pause and reflect, and make a choice of how I’m going to take that next step.
What is one big, burning leadership question you are wrestling with these days?
It’s the same — the authenticity. You show up in spaces, trying to be who you are, trying to be real, right? And, there are spaces that don’t appreciate that, it’s not encouraged. It’s been a challenge — when you know the right thing to do for yourself and for your spirit, but then you’re expected to do other things.
Do you mean in the personal world, or the professional world, or both?
Definitely in the workspace, playing that role in the professional world.
Is it connected to being Latine, multilingual, female, or something else? And sincerely, please don’t feel any pressure to answer if you’d rather not.
I think all aspects plays a part, and being female plays a huge part. Leadership has been difficult. Because although you’re in a leadership position, some workplaces want to control every aspect of any decision-making that you’re doing, in running a program. So, are you allowing me to be a leader? It seems that leadership in some workplaces I’ve been in, is more about control than it is about getting stuff done.
Do I speak up in my leadership, and then expect retaliation? Or can we just all be grown and, you know, do what’s best for the common cause — whatever project we’re working on, the community or population. There’s a bigger picture than characters and personalities – if we can get by that, then maybe we can all demonstrate some positive leadership.
It’s so frustrating to work in spaces that don’t prioritize a healthy culture.
Right, exactly. I’ve been trying to be authentic and show up as who I am, ’cause that’s what I’m learning through CLP. And some of them look at me like — yep, she’s the troublemaker. I was punished for it. And it’s hard, when it’s kind of dismissed as a personality clash, and the bigger issues aren’t heard.
When anyone has acquired knowledge of certain things, and the higher-up doesn’t see that, or value that as much as protection or playing it safe? It gets… tricky, and feels very controlling, with people being played against each other. It gets really hard to try to just be positive and productive and keep a smiling face in a survival-of-the-fittest culture. It shouldn’t be that hard to get along and get the job done.
Absolutely. What would you say inspires you, gives you hope these days?
What gives me hope is spending time with my grandchildren. That fills me up, it gives me joy, just thinking about it. I have the biggest smile on my face, just picturing them.
And seeing them living a life that’s safe, where they’re able to just express themselves and be authentic. And receive the natural resources of this world that we once had in more abundance, that have been diminished. My hope is for GMOs to go away, and also have real, whole food. Also safe water and safe air to breathe.
And for us to practice more like Jesus. I don’t mean that in a church way, I’m not a Bible person. But they think that he came to teach love, peace, and happiness. If we can just get to that concept, maybe we would be better human beings.
What gets me up in the morning and gives me that motivation is, is knowing that we can. Speaking with people just like you, Lara, that are on a different level. People that have, I can say, awakened, but I don’t mean it as if others are sleeping or in a zombie state. But people that have acknowledged that there’s things that are working against us, and that we, as a collective, can do better, for ourselves, for our families, for our communities.
Thank you, I appreciate that. I would answer it in a very similar way. When your work is draining, whether physically, spiritually, emotionally – how do you recharge, restore, take care of yourself, rekindle your fire?
I have a deep healing practice. I am a master Reiki practitioner, I do meditations, I am a breath work practitioner. I do shamanic journeys and healings.
In general, I will say, just taking time for ourselves. We’re all busy — we’re students, we’re mothers, we’re sisters, we’re living life. And we need to take that time.
When I need to recharge, I take my shoes off, I’ll go take a walk in the park, a walking meditation while I’m grounding. Grounding, literally, charges you up. You know, we are like a battery on our phone; when you take those shoes off, and you put your feet in the ground, the electrons are going to charge you up, and your battery’s gonna fill up.
Just putting your feet on the floor, a quick ‘Hey, universe, I’m just grateful to be here with you today. I’ll make a conscious choice to remember that you’re walking with me.’ You know, something as simple as that can change your whole day, instead of waking up and being like, ‘damn, the freaking phone bill is due again’… or, I’ need to get here at this time.’ You know?
Absolutely.
That gracefulness and that gratefulness can definitely change the energy of your day.
Do you have a specific daily meditation practice? I’ve read some research that a minimum of 15 minutes twice a day is a positive tipping point.
I don’t have any amount of set minimum time or max time. But, I don’t sit there for just 5 minutes, I don’t get connected in such a short span. I would say between 10 to 30 minutes. One day might be longer, or it might be shorter. But you know, and your body knows, and your spirit knows, I think, when you are ready to come out of meditation.
I always start my meditation with breath work, sitting in silence. Breathing in, holding the breath, releasing, holding that, breathing in again — trying to activate that kundalini life force. And then I’ll go into just regular breathing and see what comes up.
What comes up is what your spirit wants you to work on. If that’s the grocery list, if that’s my relationship with my daughter, whatever it is. And don’t think you’re doing it wrong if things are coming up, because that’s what you need to work through. And as you process what comes up, it eliminates.
I tell the people that I work with, don’t try to sit there ‘to clear your mind.’ That’s something that’ll happen with time once you’ve processed. And just so you know, I can’t totally clear my mind. I think that after some time when you’ve become an expert, then you get to a level of consciousness where you’re just breathing. But that takes time.
You mentioned that you do shamanic journeys – are those for yourself, or do you guide others?
Shamanic journeys are actually meditations. I can do them for myself, or a one-on-one, or in a group. There’s different ways, and they all start with a meditation.
We can journey to find your power animal, and you speak to that animal. Or to where people can speak to their loved ones that have passed. Or do a group journey to where we all go subconsciously, see what shows up, see if we feel connected to each other’s energies. I also do medical intuitive journeys, which is a different type of meditation going inside the body to heal and to clean. It’s amazing.
Would you please introduce us to someone you are/were close with personally (e.g., family, teacher, friend, mentor), who shaped (or shapes) you and how you view leadership and possibility for a better community/world?
Hm. For me, that was CLP. And I think maybe that’s why I’ve been so discouraged, because I’m so tired of people around me just pretending. I’m very grateful for the opportunity that I had with CLP, with the cohort, with the instructors, with William Graustein — amazing person. I think CLP was one of the biggest corners of my life, and I’m glad that I took it.
So I don’t have anybody, except my CLP instructors. Liz, awesome. Brandon, amazing. Just watching them, it was so impactful. If you asked me years ago what would be my dream job, besides my healing work? It would be to run workshops that are like CLP. To create space where people can find their power through being vulnerable.
Which I’d say you’re also doing in the healing work, in a different way. I wonder if we think back in time – was there someone when you were a kid, like a grandparent or a teacher? One of the people I would name would be my grandfather. We didn’t spend a lot of time together, but he just made me feel loved. And one art teacher. I couldn’t tell you her name, but she looked at me one day and said, ‘you’re a poet.’ I knew that I was, but nobody around me had validated it. I literally can’t remember a 5-minute interaction with her, but she gave me a profound lifelong gift. Which is to say, it doesn’t have to be someone that you walked with every step of the way.
You made it so simple giving me your example. Definitely, everything that I have about me that’s healing, that’s about being a holistic person, anything about that comes from my grandmother. Her name was Francisca – we called her Mama.
I remember going to Puerto Rico when I was very young, to the mountain where it was just us. I remember families coming up to the mountain because they would come to buy the stuff that Mama would make — all these natural healing things, which I make now. Healing honey, hibiscus honey, citrus honey, fermented garlic, fire cider, ginger shots. I got all that from her.
And I also play sounds. I didn’t mention that before — I am a sound therapist. I remember her doing sounds with just cups of water. She would move her finger around the top and it would create sound.
So definitely my connection to healing, and to plants, and to herbs, all of that came from Mama.
And I also remember my third-grade teacher, Ms. Rizzo, PS 29 on Cortland Avenue in The Bronx, New York. She was so empowering — she would always tell us that we can do whatever it is that we wanted to do. At that point, I wanted to be a photographer. I’ve always remembered her because she was like a cheerleader for me.
Thank you for sharing and for taking the time. What do you recommend to us, in each of these categories:
- Reading – Conversations with God. There’s about four or five different series to the book.
- Listening – I love all kinds of music. I would say, Afrobeats.
- Eating – Puerto Rican food! And in these days, eat healthier foods and things that are gonna benefit our nuclear cells.
- Watching – Robin Williams, What Dreams May Come — amazing movie.
- Laughing – Laugh at everything that wants to make you cry. Laugh at yourself most days. Laugh at the smallest things in existence. Laugh to live longer.
- Wildcard – your choice – Put yourself first, be a little selfish. Love on yourself, tons and tons. Give yourself everything that you thought you wanted from others. Give it to yourself. If we’re not selfish with our time, with our energy, with our spirit, then we have nothing to give.
Learn more about Zaida at her HealSelf website
Get in touch with Zaida directly: Zaida.Martinez203@gmail.com