photo by Lara Herscovitch
As a recent CLP ‘grad,’ I now know that it invites us to deeply consider our core values. One of my top ones is Voice. For me, Voice includes both spoken and written words. Voice also means using means using mine to help others, when I can.
In October 1990, my family fell apart with the death of our mom. We all dealt with the loss differently. Dad remarried soon after. I was living in New York City at the time, and I focused on my career. My brother Bob graduated from law school and pursued his career. My other brother, Ed, went in a free-spirit, nomad direction. He hitchhiked across the U.S., from New England to Alaska.
I would get intermittent calls from Ed asking for money, and then months of silence. Those months turned into many years.
In February of 2015, I reconnected with Ed after not seeing him for nine years. The death of our dad was the catalyst that prompted me to search for him, but I had no idea where he was. I put out feelers on social media and someone responded that they saw Ed on the New Milford green in a brown coat. New Milford! He was close, only 47 miles away. I finally found him on the New Milford green, one ice-cold morning.
Ed was not the brother I remembered. He was, in his words, “living outside.” He was unhoused, had an injured leg, and was obviously struggling with exacerbated and yet-to-be-diagnosed mental health issues. Even after countless visits back to the green to rebuild and reconnect with him, Ed would not get into my car.
Our visits were short, and always ended with Ed saying he needed to go, “to take care of the trees.” I would find out later that Ed was referred to locally as ‘Tree Man,’ as he was often observed tending, watering, talking to, and hugging the trees in town.
After each visit, I started to hang out in New Milford, speaking with folks in the community. All were surprised that Ed had a sister who lived in the state. I was surprised to learn how much this community loved and cared for my brother. Ed was lifted up by the community of New Milford and their collective care. They gave him food, clothes, love, and attention. One man, Angel Salinas, a recent immigrant from Ecuador, fed my brother every day for the nine years we were apart.
The Danbury Hospital Community Care Team eventually persuaded Ed to go to the hospital for help. For seven months, my tree-loving brother lived inside of two hospitals: first Danbury, and then Connecticut Valley Hospital (CVH). He was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and was finally getting treatment. Ed now lives independently in a one-bedroom apartment in Danbury and works full-time at a local restaurant. He is flourishing.
During his time at CVH, Ed and I would take extended quiet walks in the woods at nearby Wadsworth Falls. I observed and felt my brother’s relationship with nature, and especially trees.
Curious to learn more about his connection, reverence, and relationship with trees, I began reading and researching about trees and their ability to help each other. They connect through their root systems and collaborate with each other, sharing resources like water, light, and food.
I was deeply struck by how contrary this interdependence felt, compared to mainstream U.S. culture and the way so many of us live, prizing individuality instead.
Both the community of New Milford and the research on tree wisdom and collaboration gave me insights into and understandings of a deeper meaning of life, and the value of collective care. By helping others, we all thrive. My and Ed’s reconnection and rebuilding, combined with spiritual healing in the woods, changed and inspired me; I am writing a book, called Tree Man (and hopefully a children’s version), about his journey back to a fuller life.
The experience of helping my brother navigate a new life – alongside so many others who also help him – has taught me so much.
- I learned that showing up matters, even when I don’t know what to do.
- I learned the power of sitting at the table at CVH advocating for him; my Voice and attention helping to validate and legitimize his wishes for his life.
- I learned about the power of love.
- I learned that I do not have to know all the answers and do all the work alone; there were many others who also played a part in his healing.
And I learned that I could take this new outlook and spirit and help others, alongside many others in my own community. More about that in Part 2.
Learn more about Laura at Linked In, Facebook and Instagram / Learn more about Ed in this Danbury Hospital Community Care Team video.
To reach Laura directly: noemarketing@yahoo.com
Laura,
Your blog is hopeful and inspiring, it shows us some of the benefits of loving/supportive connections – community, family, self, nature… Thank you!
Thank you, Esther!