photo by Lara Herscovitch
In March of 2021, I was in my second semester of the Women’s and Gender Studies program at SCSU, a program I began at the same time I was diagnosed with stage 4 uterine cancer. Thankful for online classes, I was able to begin the program while getting chemo treatments. The last day of 2020 was my final chemo infusion, and I vowed 2021 was going to be a brighter year.
Reconnecting with my brother, Ed – as I wrote about in Part 1 – brought wisdom, and created muscles I didn’t know I had. Embracing these skills, and assuming that focusing on others in need would also help me heal, I humbly asked, “Who else needs help? Who else might need what I have to offer?”
Ultimately, I raised my hand to lead a community “cosponsor group” in collaboration with Integrated Refugee & Immigrant Services (IRIS). What I did know was the power of collective care and community.
On March 31, 2022, Laila Mohammadi and Mosa Sadat arrived in the United States. Laila was five months pregnant with their first child. They fled Kabul just as the Taliban took over in August 2021. For eight months, they lived in one of about 400 shipping containers on a U.S. military base in Doha, Qatar. They had no idea where their future home would be.
So many Afghans were trying to leave Afghanistan at this time; Laila and Mosa were fortunate to be part of the internationally-renowned artisan organization Turquoise Mountain, which helped them and 11 other families to leave the country.
Laila and Mosa left their families – hers in Iran, his in Kabul – with the hope of creating a better life for themselves and their yet-to-be-born daughter.
In early March, they heard that they would be leaving Qatar. Initially they thought they would be settling in Jordan or another Arabic country. When they found out they were coming to the U.S., they were happy. They were flown from Qatar to Virginia, where they stayed until processing for social security numbers and other documents was completed.
Three weeks later, they were flown to New York City’s LaGuardia Airport, then rode in a van that arrived in New Haven. With Shukria, a Dari interpreter by my side, I picked them up and brought them to their new home in the Short Beach neighborhood of Branford.
While driving over the Q Bridge, I looked in the rear-view mirror to see Mosa alert and scanning the area, while Laila leaned forward to ask me if this home was a place they could stay for a while; she had heard that many refugees go to hotels or Airbnb’s for temporary housing. I assured her that they could stay as long as they liked and did not have to move any time soon. I watched her sit back in her seat with a look relief on her face.
The change in their lives over the course of the last two years is nothing short of stunning.
Laila has a bachelor’s degree in computer science and is a self-taught painter. Mosa is an accomplished woodworker and artisan, a member of Turquoise Mountain, and uses his skills at Arrigoni Design in Clinton.
Their daughter, Lea, was born on August 1st in Yale New Haven Hospital. As the Taliban represses and oppresses women back in their home country, their U.S.-born daughter, an American citizen, has a 529 college savings plan started.
Both Laila and Mosa continue to study English, and are preparing to take their driver’s license tests so they have more freedom of movement – life in Branford means driving, unlike urban Kabul where they could easily walk to get groceries.
IRIS required that all volunteers be thoroughly trained. We learned details about helping refugee families “struggle well,” and how to help without enabling them. We were not “adopting” a family – they explained how that kind of language and intention leaves the family feeling powerless. They taught us about trauma, cultural and religious beliefs, and the goal of self-sufficiency.
So many of the training points resonated, as they were muscles I had developed and honed while helping my brother Ed through, and out of, his being displaced and unhoused. Navigating byzantine and bureaucratic systems requires a dedicated and caring advocate, and those are two of my strengths. I was honored and thrilled that exercising my Voice – one of my top core values – could also help Laila and Mosa acclimate to their new country, culture, and home.
My work with IRIS included assembling a group of 50 volunteers. Although many of us did not know each other before this endeavor, we had a key thing in common: every single one of us is a part of a family of immigrants, whether first-generation or fourth-generation. Unlike most IRIS cosponsor groups, we did not hub out of a church. Ours collaborated with the Branford MicroFund, which agreed to be our fiduciary.
As an all-volunteer group, we formed 17 committees. Many of us met monthly to prepare for the refugee family’s arrival. At that time, we did not know their country of origin and were told “our” family could be coming from Afghanistan, Congo, Iran, or Syria. As we watched and read about the imminent fall of Kabul and American evacuation measures, it became apparent that they would be most likely coming from Afghanistan.
Our overall mission was to provide all that a resettled family needs in order to be self-sufficient (IRIS continues to work with families on legal matters). We were charged with three goals: (1) Fundraise at least $12,000; (2) Collect physical donations, including household and personal items; and (3) Offer our time to help the family settle, acclimate, and most importantly, belong. Finding housing was the greatest challenge; affordable housing does not exist in Branford.
Collectively, we networked and organized. We collected donations to furnish their home and supply their kitchen and closets; we searched for job opportunities. Once Laila and Mosa arrived, volunteers drove them to ESL classes, doctor’s visits, and the halal grocery store. We visited the green and had ice cream, walked on various trails and in parks, taught them how to kayak, and hosted a community baby shower. They expressed an interest in visiting New York City, and we three took the train — it was Mosa’s first time on one.
In August, Laila, Mosa, and I joined folks from IRIS and Elena’s Light on a zoom meeting with a representative from U.S. Senator Murphy’s office. We all used our Voices to endorse the Afghan Adjustment Act which, if passed, will help Afghan evacuees like Laila and Mosa gain permanent status in the U.S.
While I was able to play a part in helping them resettle in my home town, they have also changed how I view community care and my own role in it. The work has taught me so many things about the power of community and collaboration. Again, I witnessed how showing up matters, even when you don’t have the answers.
As a fourth-generation, white, American woman, I know my life has been easier than most. Don’t get me wrong, I have had challenges and traumas, including the death of my mom at a young age, divorce, running out of money, stage 4 cancer, my brother’s decades-long struggle with schizophrenia and being unhoused. I have been blessed with a beautiful, bright son and two amazing step-children. My struggles and suffering have wizened me and I have connected my trauma with purpose. I am a warrior with a heart for the underdog. I am also aware of the privilege that comes with being white, and this is how I leverage that privilege.
These three seemingly disparate stories, these three people – Ed, Laila, Mosa – are connected. Each one was previously displaced. Not only do they now have homes, they also have a sense of interconnectedness and belonging. And so do I.
Healing happens.
We are responsible for one another, we belong to each other, and we heal in connection. Leanne Betasamosake Simpson, one of my favorite writers and activists, writes, “strong communities are born out of individuals being their best selves.”
These experiences of helping my brother Ed and Laila and Mosa, have allowed me to use my Voice and become my best self.
Learn more about Laura at Linked In, Facebook and Instagram; Learn more about the Sadats at IRIS, Branford Community Foundation, and Zip06
To reach Laura directly: noemarketing@yahoo.com