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One of the exercises in CLP is about identifying and clarifying our own personal values. We each identify our top 5 values, writing one each on 5 index cards. Then we have to drop one… and another… until we are forced to choose our number 1, top value. What is your current One right now and why?
Balance is at the top of the list. For far too long, I sacrificed as a woman to take care of others: my mom, five siblings, my children, grandchildren, my friends, colleagues, the list can go on… My life has always required me – or so I thought – to put others first. At the top of that list is my family and children. Growing up I didn’t have much. My mom did the best she could but we grew up in the projects and on welfare. Because of that experience, I felt an obligation to financially provide for those I love. So I worked a lot. And, good came from it – I was able to financially provide for my children and have had a successful career in community development. But the pace and selfless way that I worked and gave to my family made me feel unsettled and off-balance. I realized I have to do a better job of taking care of myself, so that I can better take care of others and serve. So what I value today is different than what I valued in past. Today I value self-care and having a much more balanced life. Every day I check-in and ask myself, am I living out my values?
What is one big, burning leadership question you are wrestling with these days?
Why are leaders set on using a top-down approach? People want to be engaged and considered. What I’m learning in my leadership journey is balancing swift decision-making with emotional intelligence and sensitivity. I have a natural tendency to Do. I tend to judge a situation quickly, chart a course of action – 1, 2, 3, 4, it’s clear. Or so I think. I need others’ perspectives. I have blind spots. I’m learning to slow down and not Do, press pause, take other people’s perspectives in, and then decide, act. And, I don’t want to use this strategy as a way to avoid tough decisions. As a leader I have to challenge the status quo. Ask questions like, Why? Is there a different way? Is there a better way? The answer is usually yes.
What inspires you, gives you hope these days?
Hiking. When I was still director of the Bridgeport Neighborhood Trust, there was a 6-week stretch when I was on the Camino de Santiago. It’s 550-mile footpath across Spain, named after Saint James, one of Jesus’ disciples. The Camino is traveled on foot, bicycle and bus for various reasons and in various forms of pilgrimage; it ends at the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostela where Saint James’ remains are buried.
During my time on the Camino, I disconnected from work. When I returned I was so inspired by the team at BNT. The staff didn’t miss a beat. There weren’t any fires and morale was still good. I was so proud of what we all had built together. I realized that the organization we built together would live long past my tenure there. Also during the trip, I was given an award by The Workplace, which my children accepted on my behalf. I was able to watch the event on Facebook live, from a hostel in Spain at midnight – I was a boo-hoo hot mess! I was so proud of my children and the young adults they were becoming.
When I returned, I was struggling with whether to leave BNT. A close mentor and I discussed it and she highlighted that I seemed proud of the legacy I was creating, at work and in my home life. And that I didn’t have to worry; BNT and my children were going to be fine. So, I took a leap of faith and decided to move on.
Speaking of close mentors, can you introduce us to someone you are/were close with, who helped shape you and how you view leadership and possibility for a better community/world?
It would be that same person and mentor – shout out to Meghan Lowney. She would never take credit for it, but she changed my life.
I dropped out of high school, didn’t go to college, I went back to get a GED. I landed my first job when I was 19, grew in that position, moved to Bridgeport and was there for 13 years, then joined the Women’s Institute for Housing and Economic Development last month.
I met Meghan when I became executive director of the Bridgeport Neighborhood Trust. I didn’t have any inkling of what it meant to be a leader, what it meant to be an executive director. I lacked self-confidence, I didn’t have any strategies, didn’t know anything about self-reflection. Before I met her, I didn’t believe I could.
I attended her Leadership Development Roundtable program. After graduation, I asked her about mentoring; she agreed to meet with me once a month for two hours, and she did it for four years. With her support, I learned the ins and outs of leading a nonprofit organization, growing BNT from one full-time staff to 25 and from $100,000/year to $5 million. BNT didn’t do housing development or management when I started, now the organization owns 25 properties and 250 apartments. All along the way she was there to support me, encouraging me to be my authentic self.
She believed in me in a way that not very many people had. There were a lot of naysayers – you can’t because… you grew up in the projects, you had a child at 16, don’t have a college degree, and so on. She was there to say ‘don’t listen to them, you’ve got this.’ It wasn’t as much technical – although she did share resources – it was the support, the encouragement that meant so much. It literally made all the difference in my life. She also asked the right questions to help me figure out what the best decisions were for me.
This work of transformational change is hard. Stepping in, stepping up, over time, can be draining – physically, intellectually, emotionally, psychically, spiritually. How do you recharge, restore, take care of yourself, rekindle your fire?
Three years ago, I fell in love with hiking – which is how I got to the Camino. I didn’t grow up hiking, didn’t grow up outdoors. I grew up in the projects, in the “hood” – we don’t never talk about no hiking! It’s a middle class, upper class sport. When the movie Wild came out there was a buzz about the Appalachian Trail, and trails in general. I watched the movie, read the book, and decided why not me? Why can’t I go, find what others say they find?
I did a bunch of day hikes at first. The first time I took an extended time on the trail was 9 days through the state of Massachusetts, by myself. I like being alone but I was scared – I was glad nobody was there to witness how scared. (Squirrels scare me, that’s just how it is.) I didn’t get to that meditative state that restores, but I had moments of it. Those moments are the reason I hike. I find peace hiking. The more I hiked, the easier it was to quiet my mind, the more I fell in love with it.
Over the past three years, I’ve done 450 miles of the Appalachian Trail, and I just did 550 miles on the Camino. I spend a lot of time fantasizing getting back out for 3-4 days. I absolutely love it. I find such clarity of thought, rest, connecting with the universe. I was asked recently, am I a woman of faith? I answered, I hike. I go out there, I am vulnerable, I ask the universe for physical and spiritual care. There’s nothing better than putting one foot in front of the other and just being.
My trail name is “Leave Behind.” I hike to leave behind my past, my struggles, my regrets, my ego.
What do you recommend to us, in each of these categories:
- Reading – The Relationship Cure – It’s about how to develop relationships built on respect and trust, and includes strategies for emotional connection.
- Listening – Active! Like in CLP, designed to teach us to listen. One of the things I learned is that you’re not listening if you’re listening to somebody and at the same time, already coming up with a response or a defense. It’s ok to actively listen to somebody and not know what your response is going to be, tell them you want to think about it and come back to them later with a response.
- Eating – The Mediterranean diet and way to live your life, eating a lot of fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains, fish – I haven’t had the discipline to do it yet, but it’s a goal! And my favorite food is Indian, so I recommend Coromandel in Orange.
- Watching – What comes to mind is observing. I’m learning how to be an observer of people, their body language, facial expressions. Learning to pay attention to what people are really saying. I would encourage others – like I’m encouraging myself – to listen deeply – what is this person really trying to tell me, that I might not be able to get just with the words that are coming out of their mouth.
- Laughing – Do it as often as you can. Not enough people use sense of humor and laughter to deal with stress and show love.
- Wildcard – I think of a Wildcard as a “Boss Card.” I never wanted to be a top-down, authoritative leader. I am a consensus builder – called myself the chief decision-maker, but not the boss. But sometimes I’d play the “boss card” – in moments when I felt strongly about a strategy. And with that, just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Boss cards should be used sparingly.
Learn more about Liz at the Women’s Institute for Housing and Economic Development
To get in touch with Liz directly: etorres@wihed.org or leavebehind101@gmail.com